running, yoga, cold mountains, travelling, sewing, outdoor activities, tea, books, literature, climbing, home decor, love..
We just have to open ourselves up to the truth: we will hurt each other, often. Life is crazy beautiful, but it is crazy and sometimes spins out of control. And that’s okay. That’s how it should be. It’s okay to lose the grip, to slip a little. Because we all do and maybe that makes it easier to forgive one another—people will disappoint you and wrong you, but they will also defend you and fight for you and bowl you over with kindness. We are all such radiant fuckups—we have to remember this and love one another for it. And even when it seems impossible, we have to be good to one another, to extend an open hand, to try to bring the light back in to illuminate the darkness.
The most sincere and loveliest people you will ever meet are the broken ones, the ones who’ve tasted pain and loss on a level that most others haven’t, the ones who are too busy trying to better their heart than to make it bitter, the ones who quietly seek out anyone who has been there before.
They are the ones who’ll make you feel alive because they’ve struggled for so long trying to live. They are the ones who will plant happiness in your life in countless ways because of all the time they spent being hopeful that someone would one day do the same. And some of them will even help you turn into the best person you’ll ever be, only because deep down inside they’re empty.
We live in an age where we feel guilt whenever we have to cut someone off but the reality is that some relationships do need to die, some people do need to be unfollowed and defriended. We aren’t meant to be this tethered to the people in our past. The Internet mandates that we don’t burn bridges and keep everyone around like relics but those expectations are unrealistic and unhealthy. Simply put, we don’t need to know what everyone else is up to. We’re allowed to be choosy about who we surround ourselves with online and in real life, even if it might hurt people’s feelings.
When I leave here I want to live. And I don’t mean going out every night to drink and party and fuck. I mean moving to a place that I love. I want to be somewhere with activism and poetry readings and coffee shops with live music and good people. I want to be a person that doesn’t give a shit about the opinions of others. I want to be a girl who goes out and gets what she wants. I want to live.
When you find yourself drowning in self-hate, you have to remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way. That at some point in your journey, some person or experience sent you the message that there was something wrong with who you are, and you internalized those messages and took them on as your truth. But that hate isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you. And in the same way that you learned to think badly of yourself, you can learn to think new, self-loving and accepting thoughts. You can learn to challenge those beliefs, take away their power, and reclaim your own. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen over night. But it is possible. And it starts when you decide that there has to be more to life than this pain you feel. It starts when you decide that you deserve to discover it.
You can have the biggest muscles, the best coaches, and the hardest workouts, but if you do not have it in your heart, the want to succeed, you will always come up short.